To: New Mothers of Daughters

Written:  February 2, 2014

I knew it would happen.  Don't we all?  After all the “hoopla” I caused in my younger day, an apology to my mother was destined at some point in my own journey of motherhood.  I knew one day I’d have an “aha” moment and all those years of “miscommunications” and teenage attitudes would resurface in my mind, and I would clearly see her perspective.   I would call her up, we’d have a sweet moment, share a laugh, and I’d tell her what I was experiencing with my own daughter.  She’d respond with, “I completely understand, sweetie.  Let me give you some advice…” I could see it.  It seemed like one of the many ways life would come full circle.  It would happen some day, I just knew it.  I just didn’t think it would happen when my daughter was SIXTEEN MONTHS OLD.  No way.  I was definitely thinking more like SIXTEEN YEARS.  Ha, joke’s on me. 

To make a short story even shorter, I’ll put it like this:  Molly is a mama’s girl.  Not that she doesn’t LOVE and ADORE Daniel (c’mon, ‘daddy’ was her first word), but she is simply a mama’s girl.  When she is cranky, sleepy, hungry, in need of something, or unsure, she has always found comfort in me.  I am not prideful about it, but I do CHERISH it.  I love her with every ounce of my being, and I feel that she understands that in her need of me.  For now, I’m her advocate.  I’m her peacemaker.  I’m her safe place.  God has given her to us to raise and nurture, and I take the role seriously.  Believe me, I know one day I will not be the resolution to her problems, in fact I may become one of them, but I enjoy the role of “mama” now. 

With that all said, last night she DID NOT want me.  And, not in a “I love Daddy!” sort of way.  No, it was a “cry/flail your body/reach for the door/don’t touch me” kind of way.  She and Daniel had been playing, and I came in to start the bedtime routine.  Clearly, that set her off because a battle for the ages quickly ensued.  I tried rocking.  I tried singing.  I tried reading a book.  I tried a sippy cup of water.  A sippy cup of milk.  Nada.  Nothing.  Wails and tears were everywhere, and I finally called Daniel back into the room.  She had never done this before at bedtime, so I needed the reinforcement.  Was this her first “tantrum”?  How should we parent this behavior?  Oh no, we haven’t read any of those parenting books yet!!  

Then, as Daniel reached to take her, she threw her arms out to him and there was SILENCE.  In that moment, I felt relief, but it was immediately followed by rejection.  I know it may sound a little dramatic, but I’m being honest.  My mind was a whirlwind as I watched her cling to Daniel.  I was usually the one on the other end of this situation, and this new role kind of hurt.  I got up out of the rocking chair, so Daniel could put her to bed and left the room.  Tears stung my eyes a bit as I peeked in and saw her sweetly reading books with her daddy.  I loved seeing them in that moment.  Loved that she wanted him and felt safe with him, but it hurt that she had NOT wanted me.  I quickly walked into my bedroom and called my mother. 

My mom (aka Sweet T): Hello?
Me:  Mom?

Sweet T:  Yea, what’s up?

Me:  I’m sorry for all the times I was so mean to you and gave you attitude.

Sweet T:  What?

Me:  Molly wanted nothing to do with me tonight, and it hurt my feelings.  So, I’m calling to say sorry for all the times I did the same to you.

Sweet T:  Oh, I see.  What happened?

Me:  Nothing, really.  She just wanted nothing to do with me, which has never happened before.   She cried and screamed until Daniel came back into the room.

Sweet T:  That is so precious that she loves her Daddy, Paige. 

Me:  I know, but that’s not my point.  She didn’t want me, and that hurt.  So, I’m sorry.

Sweet T:  Well, this won’t be the last time you learn this lesson or feel this way. 

Me:  I know.

Sweet T:  And tomorrow is a whole new day.

Me:  I know.  Okay, Daniel is in here now.  I want to hear how it went.

Sweet T:  Paige, you know how it went.  She had a sweet time with him.  It’s okay. 

Me:  I know, I know. 

Daniel:  Who are you talking to?

Me:  My mom.  I called her to apologize for all the times I was mean to her and hurt her feelings.

Daniel:  (Walks out of the room) I’m going to go watch TV, this one could take awhile.

Me:  Very funny! 

Sweet T:  Talk to you later, babe.

Me:  Okay.  Love you.

Sweet T:  Love you.

I lay in bed that night feeling a bit dramatic, a bit sad, and a lot reflective.  Had a sixteen month old baby really hurt my feelings?  Well, honestly, yes.  My mom had been so sweet on the phone, but I knew I had given her a run for her money through my adolescent days.  As I connected the dots together in my head, it FINALLY hit me. 

God doesn’t lay around sulking and sad each time we reject Him.  He doesn’t talk to his friends about the struggle in our communication or read a book on how to decode our actions.  No, he ACTIVELY continues to pursue us, no matter what.  He dives into our messiness and fights for our hearts.  His love for us outweighs our tantrums so greatly, the scale’s needle doesn’t even flicker when we rebel.  I lay in my bed that night and feelings of humility and joy quickly drove out my pity party. 

Here's a day when she was a mama's girl.

Sweet T was right, tomorrow would be a new day.  And the Lord’s words that were weighing on me were also VERY right, “Don’t lean on your own understanding.”  In other words, “How you’re handling the situation or what you’re thinking is most likely wrong.  Come ask me about it, and I’ll show you the bigger picture.”  I figured if I was going to keep at this parenting thing, I better go ahead and put that in my back pocket.    

Even still, Sweet T deserved that apology…and the many more she may will receive along this journey.  So, when you have to make that apology call earlier in the game than you planned, know you are not alone.  

From: Paige