To: Real Parenting

Per the parenting books (I haven’t read) and the advice from friends (I constantly soak in), real parenting begins at 18 months.  Hmm.  Molly is just shy of 20 months, so apparently I crossed over into being a real parent about 7 weeks ago.  And, like most birthdays, I didn’t feel any different.   I didn’t wake up with any new parenting knowledge or magic mom powers.  So, what was I before?  What do you call the thing we’ve been doing thus far in her life?  What’s the difference?

Well, They call what we’ve been doing the past 18 months: Keeping Her Alive.  (Sounds pretty important to me.) We’ve been nurturing her.  Taking care of her.  Now, the great shift of RAISING her has begun, and this is where it starts to get real. 

And, like most new stages of life, I didn’t really prepare.  I like to just let the pieces fall where they may and adapt/grow/learn/change as needed.  Well, let me tell you what I have learned in the past 7 weeks – They are correct.  I didn’t change when Molly turned 18 months old, SHE DID.   

All of the sudden, our little 17-month-old-goo-goo-gaa-gaa-baby turned into an 18-month-old-I-Have-An-Opinion-TODDLER.  And, toddle, she does.  Everywhere.  Wherever.  Whenever.  Her curiosity, interests, and wants, blossom more and more everyday, which is where the real parenting enters.  (Or at least where it SHOULD enter.) 

She wants to go here.  She wants to see that.  She’s frustrated she can’t reach up there.  Homegirl is all over the place, and while it is a ton of fun, I have found myself in quite a few “parenting pickles” (aka: situations that arise, and I have no idea how to respond or what to do in them). 

And, while this blog entry in no way offers pearls of wisdom one can’t live without, it may just shed a little light on what this great “parenting shift” really looks like.   It was when I started piecing all of these examples together that I really understood that my child was a TODDLER.  You see, her behavior hasn’t really been that different than before but her personality, will, strength, and understanding has, which is why the whole real parenting thing is supposed to come in.    

Let me lay out how a few “baby” behaviors have translated into “toddler” behaviors, thus leaving me in said “parenting pickles”. 

As a baby, Molly would finish her meal at the table and use her plastic plate to play peek-a-boo.  How cute is that?  I would play right along, encouraging her imagination.  Sweet little girl thinks we don’t know where she is behind that plate.  What an angel.

As a toddler, Molly uses the glass plate at a restaurant to play this game and drops it on the floor.  You can imagine how that story ends.  Not as sweet or angelic.

As a baby, Molly crawled or slowly toddled through the house at a snail’s pace.  If needed, I would follow along and redirect her pathway or pick her up.

As a toddler, Molly takes off.  She sees something twenty feet away, whether we’re at home or in Target, and she goes for it.  You can hear me hollering, “Molly Jean!” as I catch up to her.  She’s confused by my new reaction to her exploring and sometimes thinks we’re racing. 

What do you mean it's raining?  I still want to play in the backyard!

Ducks!  Don't mind me as I plow down the street to chase after them!

As a baby, Daniel taught Molly to play catch.  Her throw was tiny and cute.  We’d watch and decide if she would be left or right handed as the item fell four inches from where she sat.  We teased about a softball career and handed her the item again.

As a toddler, Molly can launch anything (a toy ball, Stella’s food, sand, blocks, whatever she wants) quite a distance.  While it’s harmless when she’s alone, it’s not something that bodes well during playgroup.  “Don’t throw that at your friend!  I'm sorry, her dad taught her to throw (nervous laughter), and she doesn't always know the best time.”

Take a guess as to what happened to that handful of sand seconds after this photo...

As a baby, Molly used to giggle while watching videos of herself on our iPhones.  We even have video of her watching a video.  My iPhone gallery is jam packed with every little milestone, cute outfit, funny new noise, or sweet memory.  It’s safe to say, she has browsed through that library many times.  Tech-savvy baby, hilarious.  Right?

As a toddler, Molly is OBSESSED with all things technology.  She thinks every small, rectangular item should have buttons that are operated via touch screen and play her own personal highlight reel.  We have to hide all of our Apple products or else she becomes like a lioness on the prowl, focused and determined to get what she wants.  I didn’t mean to initiate any narcissistic behavior, I just enjoyed her giggles.  What have I done? 

It was the only way she'd let me put her hair in pigtails.  Wait.  Who's the parent?

Feel sorry for Stella in this one.  That's the remote to her shock collar...

The one we may have the most issue with is personal space.  As a baby, Molly loved all young people – a little baby, someone her age, or an older kid.  She enjoyed leaning in for a kiss or giving a hug to a fellow friend.  We thought it was sweet and captured many of the moments.  

As a toddler, Molly is ALL OVER babies.  She thinks they’re all there for her pleasure.  She wants to hold them, hug them, touch their face, and “AHH!!! Stay away from the baby!”  I wonder if she’ll soon realize that we play a lot of “Where is Baby’s Foot?” whenever little ones are around.  God bless any of our subsequent children. 

This parenting issue should not have blindsided us . . . she's been showing signs of this tendency for quite awhile.  

4 Months Old: Giving June a little love tap.  Seems innocent enough.

7 Months:  Grabbing Jack's face/pacifer.   Someone grab her paci!

9 Months:  Giving Jack a sweet hug.  Aww. 

Wait a second...sweet hug turned into a tackle.  Molly, be sweet!

10 Months:  Pointing at Ezra's teeth.  Hopefully he doesn't bite.   

14 Months:  Pulling at Faith's headband.  No, Molly, no!  

15 Months:  Playing with Devon's hair.  Don't grab, Molly!

17 Months:  She just couldn't get close enough to Ford in this photo.

18 Months:  Kisses for Baby Emmy.  Be gentle, Molly!

19 Months:  A little head pat for Emmy.  No, Molly, where are her feet?  Not the head!

You see the trend here.  These aren’t behavioral issues Molly has developed, they are things that we taught, allowed, or laughed at when she was a little one.  Now, we’re discovering that some of them are kicking us in the Real Parent Butt.  “Y’all let me throw that ball in my play room, so why can’t I throw sand at Stella?”  Good point, Molly, good point.  Doh!  What were we thinking?  I guess this what they mean when they say kids are really just little reflections of their parents. 

I know (God willing) we’ll figure it out.  One step (or grabbed baby face) at a time, I guess.  I know Molly will continue to grow, learn, challenge us, and discover who she is… I know I’ll find myself in MANY more “parenting pickles” along the way.  I know through God’s grace, wisdom from those who have traveled this road before me, and prayer, we’ll discover more of what this real parenting is all about.  

(But just to be on the safe side, I did go ahead and order one of those parenting books!)

From: Paige