To: The Final Days of Pregnancy

No, no, I'm not pregnant, but my sweet sister-in-law is!  In fact, she's less than two weeks from her due date, and then I will be able add AUNT to my resume.  (Yes, it's kind of a selfish perspective, but I'm being honest.)  

I had dinner with her and a friend last week, and I watched her move around and talk like, well, like a 38 week pregnant lady.  Yes, it's its own category of movement & language: large but gracious; awkward but sweet; excited but tired; hopeful but intimidated.  

I remember the final weeks of pregnancy with Molly.  They are the ultimate irony of a woman's life - joy/pain; happiness/fear; can't sleep/exhausted, etc... I wasn't prepared for the emotions of those final days, so I wrote a letter to a friend explaining this "ironic finale".  And seeing my sister-in-law last week reminded me of it, and I decided to share this letter with my blog - for safekeeping.  So, here  it goes . . . 


Dear Anyone in their 38th, 39th, 40th or 41st Week of Pregnancy,

I'm not wanting to darken your experience here as your time as a beautiful pregnant woman comes to an end but know it's possible that the last week or so may suck. . . And, I say this because, have no fear, this feeling will have NO bearing on your parenting skills or the feelings you will have toward your daughter.  You WILL love her, you WILL sustain her life, you WILL thank God for her presence daily (well, most days, anyway. . .hehe), but it's okay if you get to a point where you are SICK OF BEING PREGNANT.  :)   
I mean, you may still physically feel GREAT . . .well, as 'great' as one can feel with a kicking watermelon lodged in their stomach and pressing on their bladder, but the physical side of the end really isn't bad compared to the OTHER side.  What is this "other" side you ask ?  Well, let me tell you . . . 

The OTHER side of the final days of pregnancy: 

- People who have seen you occasionally through your pregnancy will see you out and about in the next week or two and say something along the lines of, "Oh wow - you're about to pop!" or "I can't believe you haven't had that baby yet!" OR (my personal favorite), "She still hasn't come yet, huh?"  NO, MORON.  Obviously she STILL hasn't come but thanks for your input.  NOT.  And there's really nothing you can do besides smile, nod and say something equally as annoying, just to be polite.  Little do they know you're a ticking time bomb and really just want to snap and, for once, reply, "NO!  Obviously she has NOT come out yet . . .What kind of question is that ?  Do you see my belly ??  Stop asking your dumb questions and get back to enjoying your life where you can actually hold your pee!"   

- Your brain starts playing tricks on you that every twinge, ache or tingle is labor.  "Is this it ?  Will I know ?"  You may start googling, "early signs of labor" or "what do real contractions feel like" and feel like you fall under the category of "early labor" and "false labor" !! WTH ?  Is this baby coming now or not ?  Am I going to be awakened in the middle of the night with her head coming out !!??  Ummm . .. gross.  No, that will not happen, but there's no judgement if you've thought that.  :) 

- You may grow discouraged from the weekly doctor's appointment.  I remember thinking, "Oh, they'll know when she's going to come, and they'll tell me."  And, they don't.  Their guess is as good as the check out gal at Kroger, who will probably put in her guess on your delivery date the next time you're there.  I remember asking, "So, what do you think . . .I mean do you have a feeling . . . does it look like I'm making progress?"  Their response was vague and annoying, "Oh yea, she's definitely getting ready to come.. .  I'll see you next week, if not before then!"  UGH.  If they only knew the mental game that plays on a expectant mom.   

- You start consider that you may be the first person who stays pregnant forever . . . . . and ever . . . . and ever.  It's something I had to keep reminding myself . . . though I didn't know WHEN she'd come, biology told me she WOULD come.  There's only one way this whole pregnancy thing ends:  WITH A BABY . . . NOT a never ending pregnancy.  Seriously, that would be kind of gross.  

- People who you see regularly will start to comment on your belly's shape.  That's right . . . the shape.  More specifically, where your baby is sitting.  High or Low ??  Everyone will become experts on if it looks like she's dropped enough, should she drop more, she's still sitting too high, etc. . . You get it.  Don't get me wrong, these people have your best interest at heart, but where your baby is located in your uterus has little to do with when labor will actually start.  Your baby could drop 2 weeks before labor OR 2 hours.  No one knows, and, yet, they'll put a weird pressure on you that make cause you to have the conversation with yourself, "should I start pushing her down to help her drop?  Maybe jumping will help?"  Maybe you won't get that extreme, but doesn't make the comments any less annoying. . . 

- You may start to discredit your mothering skills because people will want to to know if you "have a feeling" on when she'll come. . . "Do you think she'll be a June baby or a July baby?"  "Do you feel like it's going to happen soon?"  "Have you been having contractions?"  All of these questions may stir a sense of panic in you because your answer to all of them very well could be, I DON'T KNOW.  Some days you're certain she's going to be early, other moments you embrace that she very well could be a week late.  Some cramping sensation may happen and you'll swear labor is around the bend; the next day you won't feel anything resembling that tingle and you'll be willing for it to return.  Surely, a new feeling is progress, right ?!?     

- You'll receive all sorts of recommendations on what to do to induce labor.  Go on a walk . . . one foot on the curb, the other off.  Walk up and down your stairs, or an incline!  Eat something spicy !  Get a pedicure.  OMG, the list goes on and on. . . Heck, you'll probably start to google some yourself (guilty) and even try one or two that seem simple enough (guilty) but don't get too obsessed . . . homegirl is coming when she wants but if walking or eating a jalapeno makes you feel like you're doing your part - by all means, go for it ! 

- Let's go ahead and call a spade a spade . . . your hormones are probably ALL OVER THE PLACE right now.  You aren't a raging psycho or anything, but you may be on an internal roller coaster ride.  I left my weekly appointment at 39 weeks relieved by a 'good report' and then cried in my car.  The unknowing of when she would arrive MIXED with all of the above items sent me into a emotional whirlwind a couple of times.  Hormones don't do well with the unknown, do they?  Let's be honest, who doesn't like a plan !?  And the fact you can't plan for when your baby will come is a hard concept to swallow and embrace.  However, I had to constantly remind myself, "there's a reason she hasn't come yet. . . her and the Lord know the PERFECT time for her to come and that's when she'll come."  So, don't be afraid of the ups and downs that may occur . . . just try to be thankful that her arrival is actually something that's not your hands.  

Soooo . . . I don't write all of this to scare you or put a rain cloud on your last weeks or suck any joy out of your pregnant utopia, but I remember having feelings of guilt that I was SO OVER being pregnant, and I want you to know, IT'S OKAY.  Just try to find the balance.  On one hand, it's a natural state to get to so that you're physically and mentally at a place where you're ready to endure labor and delivery.  I remember getting to a place where I was looking forward to labor, and I think that is a good place to be.  

Yes, sure, enjoy your last days of not having a human to care for but also know this weird emotional experience is part of the preparation because, ultimately, you want her HERE.  

You've loved her long enough without meeting her . . . she's taken up enough space in your body, and you have a whole room waiting on her. . . you've talked ABOUT her enough, and you're ready to EXPERIENCE her. . .you've done enough wondering and it's time to KNOW. . . 

And get excited because she feels the same way!!  She cannot wait to meet YOU.  You have protected her, loved her, guarded her, given her room to grow and (besides the Lord) know her better than anyone else.  She will feel safe in your arms, feel at home when she hears your voice and want you with her always.  You will be her everything, and she can't wait to meet you.  Take comfort that she and the Lord know when the perfect time for y'all to meet will be and THAT is when she'll come.   

39 Weeks & 3 Days Pregnant.  YOWZA.
Thank the Lord Molly would come 3 days after this picture.  

From: Paige

To: Reading the News

Today I was the reading news when something inside of me clicked.  I know that explanation is vague, but it’s the truth.  I scrolled through article after article and soon found that the ‘clicking’ was something much deeper than a weird interest in the news.  It was conviction.  It was a calling to read, not just scan.  To hear, not just listen.  To pay attention, not just watch.   

Instantly I felt catapulted into a rollercoaster of emotion.  I knew of the unrest in the Middle East, I had read plenty on ISIS, I had skimmed the headlines regarding James Foley, but I hadn’t slowed down long enough to immerse my head AND my heart into the current state of our world.  And, for some reason, today was that day. 

If I’m being honest, when I read the news with only my head, it can intimidate me.  I haven’t traveled the world.  I’ve lived in Texas my entire life.  I was raised in the church, went to one of the most conservative universities in America, and am a stay at home mom.  I usually see the global news as a whole different world.  Something beyond my grasp or over my head. 

Yes, I see hurt.  Yes, I see pain.  And, yes, I see evil, but I don’t know the history.  I don’t know the past.  I don’t know the full story of Gaza and the West Bank, the Palestinians and the Jews, Iraq and its political turmoil, the Kurdish people and their fight for justice, or the many civil wars that are taking place because of beliefs, grudges, and politics that run generations deep. 

I know terrible things are taking place all over the Earth, but when I find myself reading about them, I grow lost in a sea of names I can’t pronounce, information that seems to contradict itself, and references to past policies or wars I’m unfamiliar with.  I feel daunted by information I should have known before even starting to understand what is currently happening.  When reading the news, I sometimes find myself in a crash course on the Islamic State, Arabic countries, or other unknown terms I read in these articles, or I just give up and move on to something else, leaving the stories of hate, oppression, and pain behind. 

I’m lost in dates, allegiances, borders, or names I probably won’t remember in a month - this is what happens when I read the news with my head.

But today, as a mother of an almost two year old who sleeps peacefully down the hall, as a woman who has the right to be in either the workplace or the home, as a wife of a man who listens to my opinions and ideas, and as a Christian who can claim Christ as my Savior without fear of persecution, the Lord taught me to start reading the news with my heart.

Yes, it will break.  Yes, it will hurt.  Yes, it will cry out, but I have been called to see the world through the eyes of Christ.  I have been called to read the news with my head AND my heart. 

When Christ ascended into Heaven, he didn’t tell his disciples to move into the safe neighborhoods and enjoy life in the suburban bubble.  He didn’t command them to head west, take for granted their religious freedom, and scan the news headlines every now and then.  He didn’t say to read about the heartbreaking things of this world and feel detached or unaffected because it’s not happening in your neighborhood. 

No, in fact, he said the very opposite. 

He said, GO.  Go and make disciples of ALL nations.  Not the nations with the same language as yours, not the nations that make you feel comfortable, and not just the nations in the news.  He said ALL nations. 

I read this commandment now not purely as a charge for evangelism but as an encouragement from an All Knowing God.  I believe He knew the struggles and wars humans would create on account of our differences, so He planted this seed from the beginning.  Unfortunately, it has not been one we have watered well. 

He knew our human minds would fill with skepticism, criticism, fear, ignorance, and even hate for people who don’t act like we do, look like we do, speak like we do, or live where we do. He knew the evil we would be up against, and He set a precedence of understanding, respect, and love for all people.  

His own lineage included a Moabite and a Canaanite.  Christ himself was a melting pot. 

When the Israelites asked about loving your neighbor, he responded with a story about a selfless Samaritan, the very people group the Israelites detested. 

Christ was preaching diversity before it was a buzz word. 

So, when I read the news with my heart, I realize that I don’t need a doctorate in Middle Eastern history to understand oppression.  I don’t need a degree from Harvard to feel burdened by the evil I see in all of the headlines.  There isn’t a classroom in this world or a level of genius that can explain all that is really occurring or how it is rooted in history.      

All I need to know is this: 

We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one who is every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.      -Hebrews 4:15 & 16

You see, when you read the news with your heart, it doesn’t mean to just sit there and cry.  It doesn’t mean to focus on your own guilt for having freedoms others around the world don’t have.  It means to take it to the THRONE OF GRACE.

A beheading of an American journalist in Syria; innocent men, women and children murdered for their faith; thousands of families displaced from their homes; racial tensions and riots in Ferguson; the threat of the Ebola virus. 

I could go on and on here, but you get the point.

I take each of these to the throne.  And, not because I am scared.  And, not because I will feel “bad” if I don’t.  But because I know the Author of all the news.  I know the King of this world AND the next.  I know the One who holds the keys to death and Hades.  And, He sits on a throne of GRACE, not condemnation, disappointment, sadness, indifference or frustration.  He understands sin and the way it weaves through the human soul and whispers lies about who we are and what we should believe.  Where else, but His merciful throne, can we find refuge and hope when terrible and confusing things are happening all around us?  

So, I don’t read the news for a political stance or an opinion on Obama’s vacation schedule.  I don’t read the news to condemn humanity.  And, I don’t read the news to gain a better understanding of economic trends. 

I read it to connect with my brothers and sisters in ALL nations.  I read it because the God I freely serve here in America, died and rose again for every person on this globe, and I don’t want to miss Him in action.  I want to see His glory come to pass amidst all this evil.  I want to hold tight to His promises through this turmoil.  I want to cling to His peace amongst all of this chaos.  

I stay up to date with current events not because it makes me feel smart but because Christ commanded I GO.  And, I don’t think it has to always be on a plane.  We live in the 21^st century.  In seasons of life, GO is across the ocean, at your fingertips or down the street.  Discover the world around you.  Meet and learn about people in your own neighborhood, chances are they’re different from you. 

GO doesn’t mean to close the article because it’s over your head, it means to press forward until you do understand.  Pray for the oppressed, get out of your bubble, read the stories, take them to the throne, and, in faith, watch God claim the victory. 

GO doesn’t just mean when you’ve raised the money to travel to a third world country, it means to constantly understand this world isn’t just about YOU.  It’s about Him.  Always has been and always will be. 

GO isn’t an address or geographical location.  It’s a state of mind.  It’s an issue of the heart.  It’s the heartbeat of a God who called all of us to love our neighbors as ourselves, and we don’t need a PhD for that.             

So, as I closed my news browser and opened my email, it’s not coincidental that an email from No Ordinary Love Ministries popped in my inbox.

My cousin, Rachel, her husband, Jimmy, and their four precious children are living in Jordan right now.  They founded No Ordinary Love Ministries in 2011.  Their hearts are for the oppressed, the voiceless, and the hurting.  Amid my spiritual stirring of reading the news with purpose and praying for ALL nations with conviction, their newsletter attached faces and specific needs to my heart’s cry.  I guess it wasn’t just for “some reason” that today was the day that all of this “clicked”.  Funny how that always happens. 

http://www.noordinarylove.org

Read their blog and check out their ministry yourself.  Pray for them.  Act alongside them.  They are the hands and feet of Christ.  God said GO, and they did.  Their stories aren’t the ones making the nightly headlines, but it’s what happens when we don’t let the news of this world define us, rather we believe, pray, and act out of a heart that has been transformed by the greatest news of all.    

From: Paige