To: Sleep, or lack thereof...

I recently received a text from a dear friend of mine that simply read:

Did you ever let MJ “cry it out”?

Talk about a loaded question.  I found myself pouring out several response texts with different scenarios, suggestions, and theories.  I was in a panic to help her.  Each new mom hits some sort of “sleep-breaking-point”, and it’s important to pass through it with as much support as possible.  So, I furiously typed away on my teeny keyboard to give her all the help I possibly could.  When, really, all of my texts could have been translated into one simple sentence:

No, it just wasn’t our thing.

Of course, I would never give a new mom such an obscure and short answer, so we walked through her situation.  And, after talking about her baby and their recent vacation, she realized it wasn’t her thing, either.  At least not right now. 

So, why is sleeping such a taboo topic?  Why are there such distinct camps?  Why did my texts have to be so wordy and filled with sayings, such as, “Well, these people say this,” or “These people say you should never do this…”  C’mon!  Aren’t we all doing the best we can here?  Can’t we play on the same team?  Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you…or at least I won’t treat you like I’m judging you.  (Hehe - just kidding.)  Seriously, though, I really won’t judge you…. If your baby wakes up 100 times a night, and you let them cry it out OR run to them, what difference does it make to me? 

Oh gosh, don’t get me wrong here, this blog entry is NOT a stance on sleep training or crying-it-out, nor is it my platform to share my opinion on codependent behaviors or baby sleep cycles.  (I don’t think I even really have an opinion on those things…unless, of course, I’m in a group of women talking about those things then I’ll probably come up with something because I’ll want to contribute to the adult conversation.) 

If I’m honest, this is just a little encouragement to myself, a “look at the big picture” reminder, an entry into my motherhood diary, if you will.

So, Dear Mommy-Diary,

Last night my daughter woke up four times. 

That’s right.  Four times.  In the middle of the night. 

No, my daughter is not 20 DAYS old - she’s 20 MONTHS old. 

Yes, yes, I know.  She SHOULD be sleeping through the night, but last night she did not. 

Yes, 98% of the time, she sleeps for 12 (glorious) hours without waking up, but last night was a strong example of the other 2%.

Last night, she just didn’t feel like it.  Last night, she had a BAD night.  Last night, she just couldn’t get into her sleeping groove.  I don’t know what the deal was, but I do know that last night, every move and twist stirred her, woke her up, and caused her to SCREAM out from her crib.  And, it wasn’t just a typical “I’m a toddler – hear me roar” kind of scream.  It was one of those hybrid screams – a mix of crocodile tears and “MAMA!”

Each time, I woke up in a blur and bounded from my bed.  I rocked her, whispered a few sweet nothings, kissed her cheek about 253 times then placed her back in her crib.  Each time, she was back asleep within seconds.

Each time, I returned to my bed and thought, “Oh no, am I creating a Wake-Up-Four-Times-a-Night-Toddler-Monster?”  “Will she EVER sleep again without sporadically needing my hug?”  “Have I created one of those (Oh, God, don’t say it) Terrible Sleep Habits?”

The nighttime hours sure have a funny way of interacting with our logical brain cells, don’t they? 

So, in the light of day, that all translates as follows:

Last night, my child didn’t need twelve consecutive hours of sleep.  Last night, she needed security.  She needed to make sure someone heard her, someone was paying attention to her.  Last night, for WHATEVER reason, she needed four Mommy Hugs before venturing into her next sleep cycle.  And, you know what, I gave them to her.  I rocked and shushed her into a peaceful state and softly placed her back in her crib (while still awake - I did read that in a sleep book). 

And, you know what, I’m not going to worry about this becoming a HABIT (unless it happens over and over and over and over again, in which case, I will burn this page of my diary).  And, I’m not going to worry about the “sleep schedule” that is being ruined for the following day or thinking about how that will inevitably snowball for days to follow.  No, I’m just going to respond to her the best way I know how, not what some sleep method suggests.  Because the last time I checked, they didn’t know MY daughter when they wrote about said method.

Because, you see, my daughter, she loves her crib.  Seriously.  Homegirl can spend lots of time in there, happy as can be.  Please know I’m not bragging here, because, literally, I have NO IDEA how this came to be…it just sort of happened.  Some nights, she’ll wiggle around and talk to the air an hour before falling asleep.  After waking up from naps, or early in the morning, she’s usually in no hurry for me to come get her, either.  She’ll play, snag a few books she’s learned to reach, or talk with her baby doll. 

A post nap chat with her baby doll.

Reaching for her pile of books.

Successful reach.  Curious George, it is.

Just a little game of Peek-A-Boo...

Hmm, this doesn't look safe.

Yes, I know, I have a lot of "monitor" pictures of Molly.  Can someone say, "first born"? 

Her crib is USUALLY a place of comfort and security for her.  98% of the time, she loves being in there, she even giggles as I’m laying her down.  SO, I’ve decided, no matter what the books say, I’m going to respond to that 2%. 

Because I know one day, when she can’t sleep at night, crying for her Mama won’t be the solution.  One day, she may turn on a movie, read a book, sneak a call to a boy (God, help us), or play dress up in front of the mirror.  One day, my rocking and lullabies won’t soothe a sleepless night, so I respond.  I get her out of her crib and let her know “Mama’s here”. 

And, that’s it.  That’s my sleep training approach.  Do what feels right in that moment*. On that specific night.  For your specific baby.  And, if you start to panic about it, or second guess yourself, remember it won’t be like this forever. 

(May the force AND God be with you if you find yourself rocking your sixteen-year-old back to sleep at 2:00am or having to let your eighteen-year-old cry it out.) 

See, no way I could fit all of this into a text message.  :)

Sweet dreams.

From:  Paige

*This is a philosophy that should ONLY be applied to appropriate contexts.  I repeat, things will end badly if you prescribe this mantra to all areas of life.